Old Yeller Because he should be taken out behind the barn and shot. [OR you can skip all this and just watch the "music" video below] Presented for your consideration is this unrestored 1990 Ford E350 with historic provenance and unique décor. Purchased at auction by the late auto journalist and racer Tony Swan in the mid-1990s, this retired So Cal public utility fleet vehicle retains its original “utility yellow” paint and lemony patina, interrupted only by a splash of baby blue latex house paint applied by a back-alley walk-by Jackson Pollock wannabe. Yes, that makes it an Art Van. (Only readers familiar with Midwestern furniture store chains will get that.) Used as a tow vehicle for decades of SCCA and Lemons races, Old Yeller’s utility was enhanced by Swan’s master carpentry with the addition of a bunk in the rear—perfect for sleeping at racetracks during those hard times between stints writing for major automotive publications. Old Yeller has appalled competitors at tracks ranging from Nelson Ledges and Mid-Ohio to Grattan and Gingerman and, yes, even the famous Flatrock Speedway in Michigan for an early 24 Hours of Lemons event on its quarter-mile oval. (“Speed” and “paved” are words that should not be associated with that track. And yes, it was a real 24. Today’s Lemons drivers are only dumb; back then they were idiots.) For about three years in the early 2000s, Old Yeller became home to several generations of wasps while serving as a storage shed behind Car and Driver’s Hogback Road location in Ann Arbor. He was resurrected when nearby tenants complained about staffers’ wrecked race cars and support vehicles baking in summer sun and blocking winter snowplows. After rehabilitation, which consisted mainly of removing the wasps and filling the tires, Swan’s wife, Mary Seelhorst, dubbed Old Yeller “The Hovercraft,” in honor of his terrifyingly vague rack and piñata steering. Following Swan’s death in 2018, Seelhorst considered adding a roll cage and entering Old Yeller in the 24. Luckily she came to her senses when an Ypsilanti neighbor, Michael Newberry, expressed his undying love for OY and pledged to keep him in the 'hood if only she would sell him. Newberry restores houses and needed a monster van to haul tools, clawfoot tubs and the like. (He's about the same age as Old Yeller and thus too young to know better.) Seelhorst was persuaded to sell, but in a confounding and inexplicable turn of events Old Yeller remains parked in her garage, taking up every available inch of space not occupied Team Hell Kitty’s Prelude Si; still available for occasional schlepping of Hell Kitty as needed. It's the worst of all worlds, but nostalgic nonetheless. Newberry and Seelhorst had planned to enter OY in the Concours d’Lemons in Michigan this month but, alas, these videos will have to do. We felt good about our chances locally, even in the heart of Rust Belt American Junk country. But now that we’re competing in the Wide World of Junk we’ll have to resort to bribery. Seelhorst does know a few of the judges... Good thing you didn’t say who is judging what class, or a suitcase full of SpagettiOs blended with hand sanitizer would be in the mail (the traditional Detroit region Lemons bribe modified for the Covid era). We hope we win. And we hope there’s no word limit. (I'm a hella fiddle player but a butt-turrible guitar player. Hope John Oates isn't judging this class!)
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